GYAH, Colours, Transformers 2 and Giant Decepticon Steel Balls!

Okay, so some days, you just can't get the colours right, i mean look at those things, they're bad, bad like a Michael Bay movie. Transformers 2 has Giant Fighting Robots, Hot Chicks and Guns, sounds like adolescent heaven, nobody could stuff that up right?

Well, Michael Bay can, damn hack, ripped the soul right out of Transformers 2, it's like some studio exec said "hey Mikey, this is a toy movie, so make sure the kiddies will enjoy it" Which he somehow interpreted as "fill it with Goo and introduce Jar Jar Binks, no make that 2 Jar Jar Binks" And yet, somehow, the Twins, poor Jar Jar Binks ripoff they are, are also some of the few characters in the movie you actually connect with, because somehow every other robot is reduced to a series of catchphrases. It's all style, but style without heart, without personality, without soul, and absolutely no connection to, well, anyone.

and did I mention the Goo? seriously, more Goo than a 90s kids TV game show, there green goo, yellow goo, sticky goo, all kinds of goo, which again lets you know you're watching a kids movie, which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't so damn long.

Oh, and Devastator? possibly the coolest, meanest Transformer this side of Grimlok? (I kid) apparently has the power to turn into a big Vacuum Cleaner with giant Balls, giant dangling Decepticon Steel Balls, seriously, who was this movie aimed at?

Transformers 2 is a mess, a big old, throw-everything-against-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks mess! All the element are there, this could have been a great movie, but in the end it's segmented and soulless, zero connection achieved, and a big old Ad for how great the American Army is (Okay, it's a Mickey Bay movie, that’s expected right) but this gets me thinking, why wasn't Mickey Bay the one directing G.I.Joe instead? That’s where he belongs, making gun porn, for crazy camo wearing gun nerds.

Oh, and Megan Fox? well, I truly applaud her Stylist,the scaffolding of the Bra, the immaculate white pants. See, she's also pretty soulless, mostly relying on her good looks instead of her acting talent, which honestly there are glimpses of. Meanwhile, I Totally prefer Isabella Lucas, give her more screen time please, but Megan did win that prestigious FHM award. So you spend a good chunk of the movie entranced by her smooth white jeans, I mean, she's in a desert, why aren't they dirty? It's like sand actually cleans the fabric, they steadily get whiter as the movie progresses. which could have to do with Mickey Bays habit of fully saturating the colour of his images, hey Mickey, Pro-Tip "Turning up the Brightness doesn't make the colour Palette wider" which bring us full circle back to colours, GYAH!